01.11.2003 - 3:19 p.m.
Isn't time a funny thing, how
you can travel somewhere and spend each day wishing it would
hurry along, and you think of the days stretching ahead and it
seems so long before you will be home. And when you're back,
you realize that the days you spent elsewhere are now just a
memory, already fading. And those days went by so fast. Just
like they always, always do.
I'm glad to be back. When I
got home last night I petted Dog until she practically set off
sparks, while Cat disdainfully allowed me a brief pat before
retreating to contemplate her food bowl. It was so wonderful
to sleep in my own bed, curled against JB, listening to him breathe.
Four days of standing around
talking to people at Macworld got exhausting after a while. Sales
were weaker than we expected, and we got a large number of Annoying
Time-Sucks Who Will Never Actually Buy Anything.
"What do you guys do?
Oh, uh huh. Uh huh. Can I see a demo of that? Does it do this?
What about that?" (Four
mind-numbing hours later) "Well, I don't actually own
a computer yet, but thanks for the info."
Standing on your feet for 8
hours a day, when you're used to parking your butt at a desk,
is hard. It's tiring, it hurts. It's boring to stand around,
waiting to talk to people, saying the same thing over and over.
By the fourth day, I was slightly pop-eyed and began forgetting
very basic facts about our products ("This…does….uh...stuff.
I'm having a hard time writing this entry, because what I really
want to do is vent. I've been sitting at this Word document for
half an hour now, writing and deleting what I really want to
say. I want to vent about trying to organize the after-hours
entertainment during the week, and what a ridiculous clusterfuck
that was ("You guys want to do this? How about this? Does
this kind of food sound good? Does anyone have a FUCKING
But really, I want to vent
about my job. How it's hard to know if I'm doing the right thing
or not. How it made me feel last week when Workplace boss Ken
asked if we should hire another marketing person with experience
in retail. How I couldn't think of anything to say except yes.
How I wondered if I would even provide any value to Workplace
at all if that happened. How I am sick of someone saying "it's
your decision" when it never, ever is. How I am so, so tired
of not feeling good about what I am contributing to my company.
How that makes me feel about myself. How I am starting to truly
doubt my abilities. How that is how I have felt with every single
fucking place I have worked for. How I don't know if it's the
circumstances I end up in...or if it's me. How writing this paragraph
made me cry.
I'm glad to be back. I'm glad
I have the weekend before returning to the office and facing
the mountain of email that's built up while I was gone. In defiance
of the weather, we're going to grill burgers tonight. There's
a shitload of Corona in the fridge. And you, my pretties, have
diaries I need to catch up on.
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004