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01.03.2003 - 6:32 p.m.

Friday

Did you ever, as a kid, read that book called "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day"? That's what my day has been like. Only not quite that bad. More like "Sundry and the Sort of Annoying, Nothing Really Went All That Wrong But I Like To Bitch Day".

It started in the wee hours of the morning, where I woke halfway to find the cat happily kneading my stomach. Hazy, I petted her for a while before it sunk in - no pets are allowed on the bed. I mean, this is a major house rule we now enforce with a firmly closed door at all times. I imagine she slipped carefully inside the room as we got ready for bed, shooting under the bureau to avoid detection. Then, as the night wore on, she realized she had a choice - stay out of sight, or risk expulsion by leaping onto the bed where she so desperately wanted to be.

In her tiny kidney bean sized brain, a song began to play.

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted…One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

So there she was, on the bed, and the notion of wrongness finally penetrated my sleep fog, and she was unceremoniously dumped outside the bedroom door.

My morning pattern never alters - I stagger out to the living room, cloaked in gloom, to sip coffee until my neurons start firing correctly again. Once that is accomplished, I head to the shower, where I carefully turn on both fans in the bathroom. Today, however, I missed that critical fan-switching-on step, and as the hot water rained down on me the bathroom slowly filled with a choking mist. The room became a lush, moist tropical environment with the faint calls of brightly colored parrots, and it took almost 20 minutes to defog the damn mirror.

Later there was a bad moment where I stupidly took the Sonicare out of my mouth without turning it off, spackling my face, shirt and the still-fogged mirror with Crest.

When I arrived at work, Dog in tow, I was greeted with the sight of the wife of one of Workplace's engineers lying on our couch, with her hideous chihuahua mix perched in her lap. Dog *hates* this runt-dog and her expression changed from "Hey! I'm at the office! People pet and feed me here!" to "Hey! What the blue fuck is that rat doing in MY territory?" I was irritated because I have told this woman time and time again that I'm sorry, but when Dog is here could she please not bring her yippy little furball in my office because hey, I work here and you don't, lady.

My officemate Molly shot me a look of pure relief as Mrs. Engineer lumbered to her feet and reluctantly left the room. "She's been here since 9 AM," she hissed at me. We have a sofa in our office right in front of our two desks, and occasionally people come and stretch out like we have a 'The doctor is in' sign nearby.

(I experienced this "I'm bored so you must be too" behavior on a daily basis when I worked as a receptionist several years back. People always assumed that because I was stationed at the front office I was 1) devoid of any and all tasks or responsibilities and 2) simply sitting around breathlessly waiting for some lunkhead to lean heavily on my desk and ask me what I did over the weekend.)

The last annoying thing that happened today - SO FAR - is that I took Dog for a walk wearing cheesy Payless ghetto boots. Me, not the dog. And now I just spent 15 disgusting-yet-somehow-fulfilling minutes in the bathroom popping these nickel sized blisters on my feet. Two days before I spend the majority of the week standing, mind you. Yessiree, I'm in the top of my game today.

Well, it's Friday, by golly. I have some pretty hot plans to sit around and do some laundry, maybe pick up the house a little. I need to do strategic packing - what does one bring for a week in San Francisco, tradeshow by day, who knows what by night? And hey, if anyone has suggestions for restaurants or nightlife in SF, let me know!

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