01.03.2003 - 6:32 p.m.
Did you ever, as a kid, read
that book called "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible,
No Good Very Bad Day"? That's what my day has been like.
Only not quite that bad. More like "Sundry and the Sort
of Annoying, Nothing Really Went All That Wrong But I Like To
It started in the wee hours
of the morning, where I woke halfway to find the cat happily
kneading my stomach. Hazy, I petted her for a while before it
sunk in - no pets are allowed on the bed. I mean, this
is a major house rule we now enforce with a firmly closed door
at all times. I imagine she slipped carefully inside the room
as we got ready for bed, shooting under the bureau to avoid detection.
Then, as the night wore on, she realized she had a choice - stay
out of sight, or risk expulsion by leaping onto the bed where
she so desperately wanted to be.
In her tiny kidney bean sized
brain, a song began to play.
Look, if you had one shot,
To seize everything you ever wanted
Would you capture it or just let it slip?
So there she was, on the bed,
and the notion of wrongness finally penetrated my sleep fog,
and she was unceremoniously dumped outside the bedroom door.
My morning pattern never alters
- I stagger out to the living room, cloaked in gloom, to sip
coffee until my neurons start firing correctly again. Once that
is accomplished, I head to the shower, where I carefully turn
on both fans in the bathroom. Today, however, I missed that critical
fan-switching-on step, and as the hot water rained down on me
the bathroom slowly filled with a choking mist. The room became
a lush, moist tropical environment with the faint calls of brightly
colored parrots, and it took almost 20 minutes to defog the damn
Later there was a bad moment
where I stupidly took the Sonicare out of my mouth without turning
it off, spackling my face, shirt and the still-fogged mirror
When I arrived at work, Dog
in tow, I was greeted with the sight of the wife of one of Workplace's
engineers lying on our couch, with her hideous chihuahua mix
perched in her lap. Dog *hates* this runt-dog and her expression
changed from "Hey! I'm at the office! People pet and feed
me here!" to "Hey! What the blue fuck is that
rat doing in MY territory?" I was irritated because I have
told this woman time and time again that I'm sorry, but when
Dog is here could she please not bring her yippy little furball
in my office because hey, I work here and you don't, lady.
My officemate Molly shot me
a look of pure relief as Mrs. Engineer lumbered to her feet and
reluctantly left the room. "She's been here since 9 AM,"
she hissed at me. We have a sofa in our office right in front
of our two desks, and occasionally people come and stretch out
like we have a 'The doctor is in' sign nearby.
(I experienced this "I'm
bored so you must be too" behavior on a daily basis when
I worked as a receptionist several years back. People always
assumed that because I was stationed at the front office I was
1) devoid of any and all tasks or responsibilities and 2) simply
sitting around breathlessly waiting for some lunkhead to lean
heavily on my desk and ask me what I did over the weekend.)
The last annoying thing that
happened today - SO FAR - is that I took Dog for a walk wearing
cheesy Payless ghetto boots. Me, not the dog. And now I just
spent 15 disgusting-yet-somehow-fulfilling minutes in the bathroom
popping these nickel sized blisters on my feet. Two days before
I spend the majority of the week standing, mind you. Yessiree,
I'm in the top of my game today.
Well, it's Friday, by golly.
I have some pretty hot plans to sit around and do some laundry,
maybe pick up the house a little. I need to do strategic packing
- what does one bring for a week in San Francisco, tradeshow
by day, who knows what by night? And hey, if anyone has suggestions
for restaurants or nightlife in SF, let me know!
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004