12.15.2002 - 1:36 p.m.
This is JB and I sitting on
bed in La Conner, where we met up with my family for a holiday
get together/gift exchange. That's what we did this weekend.
What about you?
My coworker Molly agreed to
dogsit last night (hee, I just accidentally typed "dogshit"),
and stayed at our house with her fiancee. JB and I spent some
time theorizing how their visit went.
JB: I bet the dog tracked in
mud right away and they freaked out.
Me: Yeah! I know I would freak out if I was staying at someone's
house and suddenly there's like, mud, everywhere.
JB: Little do they know that's how we live.
Me: Like pigs. Pigs in a sty. Pigs armed with Resolve Carpet
JB: What time do you think the cat woke them up?
Me: I say 5:30 AM.
JB: No, 5 on the dot. With the unholy yowling and the freaky
Me: Heeeee. 4:30.
JB: What if there was a Barf Incident?
Me: (horrified) Oh, I hope there wasn't. Especially the dog.
JB: They probably would have just left in disgust and gone back
Me: Leaving the barf?
JB: Well, if it was the dog, she would have just, you know, eaten
Me: Ah, problem solved.
I rushed around like a woman
possessed on Friday night trying to clean up and hide anything
potentially embarrassing. I had a sad moment when I realized
there is really nothing embarrassing in my entire house. The
one incriminating object I had - a blue plastic vibrator ifyoumustknow
- was tossed out a while ago for, uh, ceasing mechanical operations.
Seems like you aren't living
life to the fullest if there isn't something in your house you
need to lock in a steel vault when company comes to stay. You
know? I need to spice things up. BAM!
Speaking of general naughtiness,
JB and I watched The Man Show last night and one of the clips
was "Porn Camp" where Ron Jeremy taught classes. Have
you ever SEEN Ron Jeremy? He is literally the ugliest man on
earth. From my limited experience with pornos, I do know the
men have less stringent requirements in the looks department,
but really - he is a warthog. Why is he in all those movies?
Does he have an enormous shlong?
Ok, I tarted it up a bit at
the end here. I don't feel like such a prude now. I said "shlong"
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004