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12.07.2002 - 6:32 p.m.

Saturday

Yay, we got our Christmas tree today and it's all set up with the lights and the sparkling and the mmm, pine-y and all that. And we managed to get it home from the lot without incident, excepting a spat about the "Clean Cotton" Yankee Candle brand car freshener I put in JB's rig without consulting him which caused the entire 4Runner to REEK of clean laundry smell, like a box of Tide the size of a Coke machine was sitting in the backseat, and he was bitching about that so in retaliation I told him the smell was probably clinging to his clothes and all his coworkers now had a secret name for him, and then I sang out "Tidy Bowl! Tidy Bowl! They call you Ti-deee-booowwwl!" which, you know, pissed him off.

See, the 'without incident' thing is important, because two years ago we had a Major Embarrassment after buying a Christmas tree. We had just picked out this enormous tree that was too big to fit in the back of the truck, and the tree lot attendant dude helped us lash it to the top. We spent a rather large amount of time winding string over the tree, through the rolled down windows, and back over the top again. Then the tree guy scampered off, presumably to wet himself laughing.

What happened? JB and I dusted off our hands, congratulated each other for a job well done, and simultaneously tried to open our respective doors. D'oh! You see, when you loop string about a jillion times through the opened windows of a closed door…yeahhh. Filled with shame, we clumsily wriggled through the windows Dukes-of-Hazzard style, hoping the tree guy wasn't taking photos to post to his famous website www.lookwhatImaderetardedcustomersdo.com.

In other holiday related news, I braved the throngs at Fred Meyers to buy gift wrap. That's what I went there for: gift wrap. Of course, I walked out with 4 bags and a 14 inch long receipt - that's what holiday madness is all about. I literally snarled at a woman who was reaching for the last bag of glittery bows.

Peace on earth? Dream on, sister.

Also, I came up with a design for our holiday cards. We're printing them ourselves this year, and all I can say is it involves our Dog. Plus a reindeer antler head-thing. If you'd like to receive this manifesto, shoot me a line and let me know.

But the deal is, you have to send ME a card too. I'm not getting carpal tunnel so you can sit back, glurp up some nog, and collect the goods. Quid pro quo, goddamit.

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0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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