So today I took a shower.
I only mention it because this morning differed from yesterday, when I did not take a shower. Despite overwhelming historical failure, I thought I could go just one day without spending an hour washing and drying my stupid hair. I called upon my vast knowledge of Cosmopolitan beauty tips, and put talcum powder on my head.
Unwashed hair? Oily. Unwashed hair with powder? Oily, with a dull coating of powder. The magazines LIE, they LIE.
Looking like an oily rat, I tied my hair into two pigtails. And because I already looked like hell, I compounded on my look with jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt before heading to work.
I mean, if you’re going to look like ass, you might as well look like you planned it that way.
I realized I was a little on the…athletic side of my typical dressing spectrum, but it still threw me for a loop when one of the engineers snidely asked me if it was ‘dress down Tuesday’.
This coming from a guy whose hair looks worse than Christopher Lloyd’s in Back to the Future! A nest of badgers could be hiding in there! A guy who routinely wears baggy, stained sweatpants, and tank tops that all-too-clearly reveal giant mats of fur exploding from his shoulders! He's like, a Yeti!
Thanks for the fashion tip, Chewbacca. I guess I'll worry about how I look at work when greater than 50% of the engineers can show up on a given day without what looks like the aftereffects of spilling an entire pan of lasagna on their shirts.
Oh, that's mean. There's really only a couple of folks that look like they maybe get dressed while blindfolded and drunk.
I can't really blame Yeti-boy for his gaffe. It's an engineer thing, the lack of social skills and all. Once, a guy told me I was looking nice that day, then followed up with "I guess maybe you're wearing more makeup than usual." Implying, of course, that the more Maybelline I spackled over my troll-like appearance, the better.
Anyway, as part of my stellar and well-received ensemble yesterday, I was wearing a Chris Isaak t-shirt that I got at the concert we went to a couple weeks ago. I don't typically cough up the dough for overpriced show memorabilia, but we had a Dire Situation on hand.
See, it was unassigned seating, outdoors, under a sweltering hot sun. And riiiiiight close by was...a beer garden! We got there about an hour early, and noticed that every single person had been clever enough to bring a sweater or coat that they draped over their chairs, so they could save their seats while inhaling overpriced Mirror Pond Ales. Everyone except us, that is.
Me: "Whine whine whine BEER GARDEN whine."
JB: "What's more important, good seats or beer?"
So JB bought me a shirt. And it saved our seats and allowed us to drink beer. Hooray for the shirt! Even though it does that annoying thing where it stretches between the hooters!
Workplace is really annoying right this minute. We have a guy working on installing an alarm system, so there's drilling and incessant beeping going on. Also, the dreaded cleaning people are here.
Every Wednesday, the cleaning people come. We don't use an actual company, it's just a couple people that I think one of the owners knows. Anyway, the cleaning people are total hippies, not that there's anything wrong with that, and they don't grok commercial cleaning products. Too many bad vibes, or something. So they clean everything with vinegar. It smells HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE! - like a thousand Easter egg-dyeing kits from hell.
So the pervasive vinegar smell, the blaring vacuum, the drilling, the beeping. Gah. I washed my hair for this?
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004