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08.06.2002 -

Tuesday


This is my fantasy. It goes like this.

The air is filled with muted voices and the tinkling of ice cubes. The club is dim. I am on a stage. My fantasy does not explain, exactly, how this has come to be. I am - adorably - shy and a little bewildered, blinking into a spotlight. The room grows quiet. And then, my voice is the only sound.

I'd like to watch you sleep at night, 
to hear you breathe...by my side

A capella, haunting, heartbreaking. Everyone is entranced, mouths softly open. Music swells and accompanies me as I swing into the stanza.

All you want, is right here in this room, all-lll you want
And all-hallll you need, is sitting here with you, all you want

My voice breaks endearingly on the high notes, like on the word "here". People close their eyes and sway.

If only you had slept alone,
if those seeds had not been sown

I sing this part almost kind of fiercely. Women shake their heads and blot emerging tears, they know my pain. Men clench their fists under the table and fervently wish they could beat the shit out of that louse that betrayed me. I finish what I think of as the angry part of the song with a mournful howl on the word "found" - like FOOWWWWWWWWNND.

And you and your sin can leave the way you just came in, 
send my regards to her
I hope you've found

The song ends as it began, with my voice, unaccompanied, weaving through the rapt audience like a strand of silver wire.

I'd like to watch you sleep at night, 
to hear you breathe...by my side.

"Thank you", I whisper to the thundering applause. "That was 'All I Want', by Dido."

Of course, that's my fantasy. What's really happening is that I am bleating at the top of my lungs in my car, with the CD player turned up loud enough so I can't hear my own voice - because frankly, it fucking blows goats.

:::

I'm at work right now dreading the evil Tuesday meeting. This is a meeting where the whole company (gee, all 20 of us) get together for "an hour" to review important business items. Only, it usually stretches far beyond an hour, and whole great wads of time are spent discussing profoundly boring engineering topics that render me glazed and brain-dead for the rest of the day. Sometimes someone will make a obscure programming-related comment that everyone will start snorting and cackling to, and I sit there feeling sullen and irritated and wanting to be in on the joke but unwilling to submit to the lengthy explanation it would take.

One guy makes no bones about the fact that he hates the meetings, and plays solitaire through the whole thing. I try and keep a perky, interested look on my face until we've passed the hour mark. Then I descend into grouchiness, and tap my foot loudly, and check my watch repeatedly, and heave big annoyed sighs. Not that any of that works.

:::

Oh! I made a survey. If you get bored, go fill it out. Just ignore the descriptor thingie which cut off my text and wouldn't let me edit it DAMMIT.

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0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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