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08.05.02 -

Monday

Conversation that just happened in the snack room:

Me: "Have you tried the Chai Tea Luna bars? They're awesome."
Male coworker: "But they're for women."
Me: "Myeh, that's just marketing. They're the same as Balance bars."
Coworker: "What if I grew boobs?"
Me: "Well, I guess you'd have a juicy lawsuit then."
Coworker (slightly wistful): "Plus...I'd have boobs."

I am going to bring Dog into Workplace! I started an insidious Dog propaganda program last week where I casually felt people out (not UP) about the subject. "If there were, say, a really adorable DOG hanging around the place, you wouldn't complain...would you?" Today I brought in pictures of Dog and showed them to one of owners, who agreed that we could have Dog around on a trial basis. Because really, how could you look at that smoochy face and say "No, we'd be better off only allowing snooty office cats to have the run of THIS office, missy!"

From what I've seen so far, Dog likes to spend her day curled on her bed, so it shouldn't be a problem to install her in my office. I'll need to get a couple gates for the doorways, so the cats don't have a Sudden and Unexpected Encounter with her. It will be nice to have more motivation to get out and go for a walk during the day, although what exactly one does with a bag of Labrador poo while out and about is unclear to me.

Oh, and speaking of poo-bags, I nearly cried this morning reading Starsurfer's guestbook entry: "Use it like a glove around your hand to grab as much crap as possible and then turn the back right side out. Ta-da. Turds in bag." Oh, hee. I'm laughing again just looking at that - ta da, turds in bag. I don't know why that is so fucking funny but it just is.

I could definitely think of ways to use a big bag of dog poop back at the office, though. There's a certain someone whose chair it would be great fun to adorn with multiple strategically placed turds. Or - smoosh one on his monitor! Stick one on his bookcase next to the stupid collection of Toy Story aliens! Sling one over his doorway so it falls on his head when he walks in!

ANYWAY. Having Dog around the office should be great fun. I bet she makes us feel like monsters when we eat lunch, though. She has these melty, sorrow-filled eyes that she wetly trains on you when you're eating, suggesting that she has never eaten actual food EVER and she is in fact starving to, like, DEATH but OH NO, it's ok, just keep on eating, don't mind her, she'll just keep gazing at you, thanks.

Can I just say that the whole Workplace feeding us lunch and dinner thing is going to make me, as Buffalo Bill would say, a great big fat person? On one hand, it's the most awesome perk *ever* and it's unbelievably cool not to have to make or buy dinner and man the food always always rocks - on the other hand, greatbigfatperson-status impending. I've got to start exercising again. What with this thing or that thing or the other thing, I've gotten waaaay off track from being as active as I should be.

Maybe Dog will change all that. I can always dream, right?

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0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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