05.22.2002 - 8:40 a.m.
We are the Box People.
Pity us, for we must live amongst towering piles of swaying cardboard.
We must navigate our blind route to the bathroom in the wee hours
of the night only to stub our toes, bang our shins, and become
lost in a Tetris-world of boxed linens. Have sorrow for us, we
who occasionally hiss "Fuckshit!" as we open up a box
we just neatly taped because we accidentally packed the scissors
in there goddammit.
Four more days. Four more
Things I will miss:
- Watching the cruise boat
go by in Elliot Bay
- Well, Elliot Bay in general: container shipments, sailboats,
fireboats spraying big plumes of water, the flat stillness that
comes on certain days
- Walking up Queen Anne hill to revel in the view and the insanely
- Being so close to downtown
- The apartment building across the street that has a big panel
of weird colored lights that comes on every evening
- Walking to Pesos on a Saturday night for lethal margaritas
and eighty billion tortilla chips
Things I will NOT miss:
- Pounding construction
- Angry Drunken Men walking by ("Sho then I shaid YOU WANT
- Driving around the neighborhood for at least ten minutes every
day looking for a place to park
- Eventually parking in fucking GUAM
- Hoofing it up/down 5 flights of stairs to do laundry, bring
in groceries, etc
- The multitudes of freakshows living in this apartment building
- Including the landlord, whose eyes point in different directions
- Did I mention the construction?
I will probably also miss
my commute. Meaning, it's about to get a lot worse. Right now
I head out on Mercer to I-5. Swing onto I-5 and get an adrenaline
rush as I battle across 4 lanes of traffic. Slip onto 520, exit
onto Montlake, and that's basically it. Soon I'll be headed west
across the dread bridges, either 520 or I-90, sitting there for
hours with the rest of the poor shmucks you see on the 6:00 traffic
update. Maybe get pulled over and humiliated for driving in the
HOV lane with an inflatable sex doll.
Not that I am planning
on buying an inflatable sex doll for the purposes of shirking
I mean, maybe an inflatable
So yesterday JB and I went
to the escrow place and signed about five hundred different documents.
At one point, the escrow guy realized that I had not signed anything
with my middle initial, and got sort of frumpy and made me go
back and correct my mistakes. I felt very bad indeed, as if I
had almost queered the deal or something.
With every document that
he slid us, he gave a brief description of what we were looking
at. JB hung in there and kept alert and asking questions throughout,
but I completely zoned after about 3 minutes. He could have been
like "This page basically claims your monthly payment will
increase by a billion percent each day starting with a "T"
until such time as your interest rate is equal to the width of
Saturn's rings" - and I would have scrawled my signature.
WITH the middle initial, because I wasn't going down that
Afterwards as we drove
home I mentioned to JB (who by the way left a note in my guestbook
and I just want to say sorry babe your cat drawing blew goats
and everyone knows it bwahahahahaha) that escrow-related
stuff would be the most boring career I can possibly fathom.
He said, "Yeah, that guy's only interesting skill is that
he can read upside down."
No offense to anyone in
escrow. I'm sure there are some wild parties and sexy escrow
conventions you go to and stuff.
I guess the sellers do
their escrow signing thing today. And then, at some point, we
get a key? It seems like something more official and exciting
should happen. Something like the bat-signal, you know? Only
it would be like a logo of a house or something, or maybe it
would be words that say "JB and Sundry Own a House!"
Anyway. Off to work, where
there are blessedly few cardboard boxes to navigate by. Happy
go back :::
And speaking of the cat (for a change. *cough*)
05.14.2002 - Do
cats like peas? The answer is no.
05.13.2002 - (ending
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004