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04.13.2002 - 5:30 p.m.

Saturday
You know when you go and you get your hair cut and highlighted and it takes forever and you end up shelling out a disturbingly large amount of cash, drive all the way back home, look in the mirror - and your hair is crooked? Marty the Almost Certainly Gay Hairdresser let me down. Now I'm weighing the inconvenience of having to go back and say "Yo! Picasso! How about we even things up here, pal!" - vs. the potentially disastrous outcome of winging it with the kitchen shears.

Bah. That's the kind of Saturday it's been. JB and I drove and drove around with the vague goal of finding furniture stores, but with the exception of a single stop at Sears we were spectacularly unsuccessful. It's Seattle, for god's sake, it's not like we live thousands of miles from civilization in a fucking igloo - there should be TONS of furniture stores, right?

Here's you: "Hey dipshit! Have you tried a little tool called a phone book? Or are you too busy what with the drooling and the walking into walls? Hello, you could probably find 40 stores on citysearch.com alone. Jeez."

God, you're cantankerous today. Shut UP. Anyway, Sears was chock full of appliance-y goodness. If all goes as planned we'll be in the new house May 25, and we'll need a new washer and dryer. Oh yeah, baby, we're going to be able to wash clothes, like, whenever we want. No quarters? No fucking problemo. But you know, all I'm really looking for is something that - get back - washes and dries the clothes. What the HELL do those $1900 machines do? I mean, unless a washing machine can somehow iron and fold all the clothes AND lipo fat from my ass, I'm going with the basic $300 variety.

We went in Sears specifically to price the washers and dryers, but we ended up in some sort of covetous state, walking all stiff-legged with our arms outstretched, droning about big-screen TVs and refrigerators that dispense filtered water and crushed ice and possibly shots of Glenlivet. The thing about buying expensive new house stuff is that it's way too easy to start trying to justify all kinds of extraneous things like home gyms! Bose surround sound speakers! Leather couches! Weimeraner puppies!

The other thing we did was drive by "our" house, very slowly, our faces pressed up against the car windows and our eyeballs leaving little wet trails along the glass as we sent penetrating stares at it. Yup, still looks great.

:::

So tonight we're going to mosey up the street to have a couple beers and approximately 481104958329 tortilla chips at the always entertaining Pesos. We've rented Zoolander, which simply has to be better than the massively disappointing Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back that we saw last night (Kevin Smith? Hey, um, could you please go to the blackboard and write "I will never again create anything as good as Clerks, 500 times? Thanks.).

This is how we get the party started 'round here.

Check out the message board! All the cool kids are doing it!

go back ::: forward

04.12.2002 - My theme song, lately, would be more like that cartoon scrambling-running sound they always made on The Flintstones.
04.10.2002 - Nothing says low-stress like offering total strangers an obscene lump of cash for a house that may or may not be infested by killer bees.
04.06.2002 - Will a slow song ever fill me with that mix of terror and fervent hope again?

0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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