03.11.2002 - 10:45 a.m.
I woke up this morning and I was all hot and every part of my
body ached. Christ, I thought, have I got the flu again? And
then the rest of the sleep-fog cleared and I remembered that
I had spent almost 3 hours, wow, at the gym last night.
Two yoga classes and a shameful session with a tanning bed.
Hey. I know it's bad for
you. And obsessing about wrinkles is way up there on my self
scrutiny hit list. But I'm all whiiiiite and pasty, dammit. I'm
like those creatures only seen by spelunkers. Just a little color,
is that too much to ask? C'mon.
So I went to the 4:15 yoga
'basics' class that I have been sporadically attending. This
time I summoned the nerve to stay afterwards and try the 5:30-6:45
'intermediate-advanced' class. I've been too intimidated to try
this one, mostly because of the obviously expert ectomorphs that
come drifting in, all languorous and swan-necked, wearing trendy
cute little outfits and sporting their own mats.
As it turns out, there
are other actual real human beings that come to that class too,
including a couple of people who were yahoos like me and wore
tshirts, which immediately slide up to your armpits during most
of the positions. Other than the furtive, constant shirt-tugging,
I think I did pretty well. It got really hot in there and I felt
all melty and bendy and at one point almost - almost! - got my
foot behind my head. That would be a cool party trick,
no? "Oh, you can use your tongue to tie a knot in a cherry
stem? Feh. That's so Twin Peaks era. Watch THIS!"
Now it feels like someone
snuck into my apartment in the middle of the night and pounded
my ass with a large mallet. (Which would be a very freakish thing
for someone to do, but who am I to criticize peoples' personal
fetishes?) The other parts of my body that ache include: um,
everything. Thighs? Ow. Pectorals? Oooch. That little pad of
muscle on your hand in between your thumb and index finger? Eech.
But especially my ass.
Anything that makes your butt muscles hurt that much has got
to be good for you, right? I mean, a few more of those classes
and I'll be using my buns of steel to open beer bottles and stuff.
Um. To clarify, not that
the bottle would be anywhere near the actual potential entry
part of my butt
oh, just forget it. You people.
JB called the other day
with some news from Bangkok. He had arranged ahead of time for
some people to take him on a scuba diving trip in the Gulf of
Thailand while he was there. So on Saturday they had what sounded
like a great dive 8 miles off the shore of Pattaya, Thailand,
near some islands. JB was just taking off his gear after the
last dive when he noticed his wedding ring was gone.
me he immediately freaked out. How exactly am I going to explain
to Sundry how I lost my wedding ring in Bangkok, where among
other things they have actual blow job bars, is probably
what he was thinking. He went to the captain of the boat and
asked what it would take to get the crew to help him look for
the ring. 200 baht, the captain said.
So JB offered 500 baht
each to any crew member who would get in the water, and another
500 to the man who found the ring. (I forget the US equivalent,
but it's a lot to those guys.) Everyone looked and looked for
about an hour, when JB finally found it on the ocean floor near
the boat. He said all the guys were so genuinely happy for him
it was like a celebration. Also they all had 500 baht! Yay!
And after JB had finished
telling me about all the cool stuff he did in Singapore and Bangkok,
he had the nerve to ask me what I was doing for the weekend.
So I told him about having both purchased AND eaten tofu. Somehow
it didn't quite seem to 'measure up', but I'm sure that was just
03.10.2002 - I
sliced its pallid dead zombie flesh and totally kicked it up
a notch in the frying pan. BAM!
03.08.2002 - This
entry is currently struggling into a petticoat, okay?
03.07.2002 - I
remember thinking, I didn't have enough time.
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004