latest  archives  guestbook  about me links 

 email

03.06.2002 - 11:10 a.m.

Wednesday
Have you ever been completely possessed by a laughing fit? I mean the kind of helpless giggling that robs you of all dignity and turns you into a teary hiccuping mess? This happened to me yesterday and it was really goddamn embarrassing.

Here's the deal - people who trip in public are funny. Yes, you're a big asshole if you laugh at an old lady who breaks her hip, but the typical goofy stumble is a laff riot. (Unless it's you who trips. Then it's Not Funny.) Anyway, I was walking past my neighborhood grocery store yesterday and I saw a guy, mid thirties, come jogging up the steps at the exit only to catch his foot on the top step and sprawl flat on his face.

Oh god. It was so.funny. It was obvious he was fine, so I didn't have to wrestle with the moral implications of laughing at an injured person. He was carrying two bags of groceries and he partially landed on them - their contents seriously went flying. Even his groceries were funny. Oranges bounced comically into the street, a surprised-looking box of cereal stood upright, a lone can of tomato sauce rolled in a determined manner quite a distance to rest under a Seattle Weekly stand.

It looked like a couple people were giving him a hand, grabbing his stuff, so I headed on. Not that I could have helped. Because I was busy wiping tears from my eyes and making a strained noise that sounded like "eeeeee! eeeeee!" Nearby dogs were probably howling in distress at my bat-sonar laughing. So I was in this state of dementia for almost the whole way home, and everyone that passed by looked at me like - well, like you look at someone who is chortling madly all.by.themselves.

It's like diarrhea…or maybe it's like something less disgusting than that, but just as helpless. I've had a laughing fit attack me in a meeting once. God, it was awful. Whatever had been funny to begin with was no longer amusing and people were staring at me, but I couldn't stop - the situation just made it worse. The absolute worst is if you're trying to calm down, but you catch the eye of someone else who is stifling laughter. Then, forget it. You are going to laugh until you pee yourself.

The other thing that happened yesterday that was entirely the opposite of the laughing fit was that I went down the street and watched In The Bedroom. I don't have the ability to put it in words, how good that movie was. Trite expressions like haunting, and beautifully crafted come to mind, but you should just go find it and watch it yourself. It is not a short movie, and it assumes you have the patience to absorb the scenes without screaming "where's the car chase/machine gun/big nekkid hooters??" Take my word for it, it's amazing. Also bring Kleenex.

:::

I am SORE today. Because I hauled my sorry butt to kickboxing class, which I have played hooky from lately. My legs especially are all rueful and 'for vut reason have you caused us this veddy bad pain?' (they have Apu accents, I'm not sure why) Because we had to do NINETY.

God, how I hate NINETY. The instructor starts NINETY by making us do a lot of leg-burnout things, then everyone has to get into this "I'm sitting in a chair! It's a pretend chair because I am a retard!" position, with the goal being your legs bent at ninety degrees. Time passes. Mr. Devil Spawn instructor basically just chants the word NINETY in varying tones. Person not crouching enough? "NINETY", he says warningly. Almost time to get back up? "Ninety.." he says, soothingly.

If you look in the mirror during NINETY, you will notice that everyone looks completely deranged. Faces are strained and grimacing, sweat is rolling down foreheads and necks, veins are bulging. It kinda looks like everyone is taking a really horrible and painful crap.

Which would be an altogether different sort of group exercise class.

go back ::: forward

recent bleating:

2002-03-05 - I'm always the dork wildly pinwheeling their arms and weaving like a sorority girl at Mardis Gras.
2002-03-04 - By nothing more than a new moment, different from the last.
2002-03-01 - "Yoop. Yoop. Yoop. Blargh."

0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland