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2002-02-20 - 4:47 p.m.

Well, I am officially changed from Birthday Grinch to Birthday Slut. I was spoiled silly last night with gifts, flowers, fondue, cheesecake, champagne. So fun. And fattening. The mark of a good day.

And O, what a pleasant afternoon I've had today. I decided I needed to take leave of the Sundry homestead because 1) it is a beautiful and sunny day, and 2) currently there are large road-chewing machines outside my window that make a BAM! BAM! BAM! whapwhapwhap BAM! BAM! sound all.fucking.day. So I made my way on down to the bus stop where a total stranger told me my hair 'looked great'. I almost licked her face, I was so grateful. What a shiny happy thing to hear, and especially from someone who didn't appear to be drunk/delusional ("You have such lovely rutabaga airplane.").

Basking in my post-compliment glow, I went to the Nordstrom Rack and did my part to keep the economy alive. I served my country, dammit. Actually I had a gift certificate, which made the whole experience very festive and guilt-free. I did my normal routine of trying on like 89 things and walking out with 4. The Rack has great deals, but you gotta root around like a pig looking for truffles. And you have to try on stuff so you can figure out why it didn't fulfill its duty at the regular Nordie's store. Sometimes it's just surplus inventory, and sometimes it's because the shirt in question makes everyone look like a Macy's balloon, even Miss Thang over there in the size 4 rack.

Armed with a big shopping bag, which ALWAYS makes me feel good, I got on the bus to head home - and it was completely packed. At 3:45? Damn. So I was all crushed against an aromatic mumbling guy with one shoe, everyone looked scowly or had thousand yard stares, when a wee child spoke up.

"Why is it whenever the bus stops, no one gets off but more people get on?" He seemed to ask this of the bus at large, and everyone got Insta Smiles at his pure cuteness. He was so cute, beams of light flowed from his cute little head. A guy a few rows back said "Did you know they even strap people on TOP sometimes?", and the kid's eyes got all enormous. Even the bus driver joined in, making the kid giggle by saying "Some folks gotta ride on the BIKE RACK sometimes!"

I mean, everyone was all laughing and I even felt really close to Mumbling Smelly Joe for a minute there.

It's been a long time since I'd gone shopping. Budgetary restrictions, you know. I think having been low on cash for so long has actually taught me some valuable shopping lessons. Like: if you try something on, and you mentally say "Eh" - Don't! Buy It! Just don't. It will lurk in your closet for years, shaming you each time you encounter it. "Hi! Remember me, the maroon shirt? Remember how you thought if you always sat upright like you had a stick rammed up your ass no one would notice how I gap right in the middle, showing your bra? And you were totally wrong, because I always gap, that's my purpose in life and that's why I was 75% off?"

I have a closet FULL of "Eh". Each item has its own personal flaw and can be categorized as such. Gaps In Middle is at the end of the closet next to Rides Up Butt, Cuts Off Circulation, and Is Too Short. The lesser-evils are in the easy access area, like Shows Cat Hair and Seems Kinda Wrinkled.

I was shopping today with this weekend in mind. JB and I have our annual trip to the Oregon coast for the Newport Seafood & Wine festival. It's this thing where tons of people cram into big tents where vendors are selling - uh, wine and seafood. There's lots of drinking before noon involved. It's fun. But I always run into people I used to know from years back - it's like a big high school reunion or something. So I want to be looking all hip and stunning, but in a I-don't-care-what-you-think way. Although, obviously, I do. My outfit must be casual, yet flattering; breathable, yet tailored; black, yet dandruff-free; and most difficult of all, it must withstand waiting in a line outside in the freezing rain, then inching through an increasingly hot, crowded area.

I'll probably end up in a t-shirt and jeans. Because I'm really not capable of all that strategizing. Thank god I live in the northwest, where jeans are practically required by law. But I'll bug the holy hell out of JB ahead of time:

"Does this look ok? What do you mean, fine? 'Fine' like, it's FINE, or 'fine' like I look like a warthog?"

go back ::: forward

Did you want to read about:

2002-02-19 - a Special Day, loud noise, enormous boobs
2002-02-18 - Into Thin Air (almost), dreams
2002-02-16 - a corporate crapout, manatee

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I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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